i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
