She is in my trunk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What drink are we having for lunch?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
