The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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