i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
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