OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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