just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
