wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
