it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
