I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
