every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
