Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
