I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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