The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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