At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
