first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
