Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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