i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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