i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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