i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Randomize
