just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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