great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
