fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
So much Jack, so little girl.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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