I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There are leaves in my underwear?
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