my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
