I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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