....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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