Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Randomize
