Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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