Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
