Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
