it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
