CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
