so let's talk penis.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
