I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
