I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Randomize
