I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
