Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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