I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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