tonight lets celebrate not being married
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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