I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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