Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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