a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
