Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
