I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
