I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
