I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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