In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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