a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
