I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I could fuck to npr.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
