got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
