evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
